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The Rat who is made of Stainless Steel

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Poll About Kids

For those who have kids, has being a parent been what you expected it to be?

Yes, just as I expected
Yes, more or less as I expected
No, not really as I expected
No, nothing like I expected
Don't know/Other/Cop out answer
Tickybox (for those who don't have kids)

Again for those who have kids, and a controversial/sensitive question perhaps, but would you change your mind about having kids if given a second chance?

Yep, it's a nightmare!
No, not really
No, absolutely not!
Don't know/Other/Cop out answer
Tickybox (for those who don't have kids)

For those who don't have kids, are you planning to have them?

Yes, for sure!
Yes, perhaps
No, I don't think so
No, definitely not!
Don't know/Other/Cop out answer
Tickybox (for those who already have kids)

Do you think a child has more pressures on them now now than a decade or two ago?

Yes, definitely
No, not really
No, not at all
Don't know/Other/Cop out answer

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(Deleted comment)
That's the way I'd hoped it would be, but some parents seem to be constantly at war with their kids. I'm not quite sure who's at fault in those situations...

(Deleted comment)
Hmmm. I've seen families, albeit not on a 24/7 basis, that seem to be extremely strict, and that also seems to backfire. I guess it's all about the *right* strict, if you believe Supernanny anyway...

i think an important thing to know is that in order to teach your kids to make good decisions, you have to actually let them make some decisions. decide which battles are worth fighting and be consistant.

Yep, it must be hard to balance in a way, but perhaps common sense comes into play (and on that note, I've finally remembered to create a Supernanny icon!).

i thought that i would have a harder time at it. i can be pretty impatient sometimes. i didn't think i was really the maternal type. it turns out that the maternal part just kinda appeared out of nowhere and now i'm pretty happy being a mom.

i wasn't expecting to have to live on so little sleep, though.

i think the pressures on kids are different now than they used to be... our kids don't have to work in fields for the most part and their biggest dramas are about toys and soccer teams and stuff. childhood diseases aren't wiping them out and stuff anymore. i also think that there is a big backlash to the attitudes of the last 20 years... now the cool thing isn't to be super competitive... they are even getting rid of honor rolls in schools because it makes the kids who don't make it feel bad.

it helps that kids develop gradually so you have some time to get used to it. they don't start running around until you've had them for a year or so. they don't start driving and going on dates until you're a veteran parent. everything is practice for the next phase.

Ah yes, I've witnessed secondhand how with young kids it can be tough on sleep. Also the amount parents can be ill during those first two years.

I like your description of the child stages :-)

We're lucky in that our kid is generally well behaved (compared to others I see, at least) and we've had no issues with him. Saying that though, I've always wondered if, if time was to go back, would I still have had him? The answer is always yes, but usually there's a 'but' -- yes, but not then; yes, but not til we moved, etc. Luckily, though, despite us having him when... not at our best, shall we say, we've come through the obstacles and issues between then and now, and are stronger for it. I think that's made us close, as a family, and I he's a happy and loving boy, so we've done *something* right somewhere! :D

I was wary of asking the "would you do it again?" question, as it's a bit of a sensitive one. Not sure how honest the answers will be.

Glad to hear you've got a happy kid though :-)

I think only people truly happy with all aspects of their life to a degree, would answer 'Of course I'd do it again -- definitely, no questions asked!' without having to even consider it. They are very fortunate!

I'd be lying if I didn't say that I had to consider it -- not because I don't want him, or because I regret having him, but because I wonder if we could have done MORE for him, or been better having him at an alternative point. Of course, then, he might not have been him, so I realise that the question is moot really -- I can't imagine not having him, so to think of subconsciously excluding him from our lives is unthinkable, even if it was to happen under the worst circumstances!

Now we know what it's like, neither of us would change it. But when I was pregnant, I did have a lot of 'argh, what are we doing?' thoughts -- it was much easier then, before he became a proper he that we could interact with, to question what we were letting ourselves in for.

I think there are pressures, perhaps some different from what we would have all gone through. Each generation probably thinks that about the next. I know I'll think that any future children of mine have some pressures/hurdles that I didn't have to face.

One thing I noticed when I went back to school as a mature student was the competition to get into post-secondary. I'm not that old, but it was much easier to get into programs 10 years ago than it is now. The expectations have risen and it's not just about grades anymore (which I think rocks, anyways). Career research, volunteer hours, community involvement AND grades. [to name a few]

When we first had Amy were were over the moon.. the first night home after being at the hospital was quite stressy, I was serverely lacking sleep, Amy was a bit unsettled as a new environment and Dave hadn't had Amy crying during the night like I had in the hospital.

But it got easier quite quickly and although there have been *some* days where you think "arghh what am I doing" its been an absolute pleasure having Amy and she brings us lots of love and joy.

She is only 15 months old but has got a nicely growing vocabulary but I think thats because we talk to her a lot, we take her to little toddler groups where she learns to play with others/sing and we give her the time she needs.

One of my biggest bugbears is when I observer other parents ignoring their children or shouting/swearing at them to shut up when the child asks question, this is something i have always vowed never to do with Amy..

I will teach her the importance of not interrupting or being rude, but if she wants/needs attention when we are out then she'll get it ;)

I lost my kid to adoption when she was four years old because I had a mental breakdown... nightmare that you can't predict when you chose to have kids!

Wasn't planning on having kids, and still wouldn't've planned on having kids if I had to do it all over again - I'd've still had her though, since abortion wasn't an option for me back when I had her (and, of course, she IS wonderful and lovely). Of course, I've recently met someone who's changed my mind on that score, so now my answer'd be different to what it was pre-meeting my wonderful boyfriend. :)

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