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The Rat who is made of Stainless Steel


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Polls
stainsteelrat

Hypothetical situation: you invite several neighbours for a barbecue, albeit giving them short notice. One turns up, the others neither apologise or turn up. Bad manners?

Very
13(27.7%)
A bit
18(38.3%)
Not really
10(21.3%)
Not at all
1(2.1%)
Other, so I'll comment!
5(10.6%)

Hypothetical situation: a friend intimates that he'll invite you next weekend to do something, and you leave the weekend free. Friend says nothing and does not invite you. Bad manners?

Very
14(29.8%)
A bit
22(46.8%)
Not really
8(17.0%)
Not at all
0(0.0%)
Other, so I'll comment!
3(6.4%)

Irrespective of how long you've been with your significant other, hypothetical or not, should you say "please" and "thanks" or does it go without saying?

You should still say all the time
28(58.3%)
You should say some of the time
19(39.6%)
Not really any need to say
0(0.0%)
No need at all
0(0.0%)
Other, so I'll comment!
1(2.1%)

Would you say manners have improved or declined over the last 20 years?

Improved lots
1(2.2%)
Improved a bit
4(8.7%)
Declined a bit
18(39.1%)
Declined lots
20(43.5%)
Other, so I'll comment!
3(6.5%)

If you said manners have declined, why do you think this is?

Breakdown of the modern family, or something
6(15.8%)
Decline in social cohesion, or something
14(36.8%)
The Internet!
3(7.9%)
Decline in understanding
2(5.3%)
Hoodies!
3(7.9%)
I have absolutely no idea
6(15.8%)
Other, so I'll comment! (Apologies, the pollster didn't have any good ideas)
4(10.5%)

Generally speaking, how would you rate your manners? 1 = non-existent. 10 = full on.

Mean: 7.45 Median: 8 Std. Dev 1.20
1
0(0.0%)
2
0(0.0%)
3
0(0.0%)
4
1(2.1%)
5
2(4.3%)
6
7(14.9%)
7
9(19.1%)
8
23(48.9%)
9
3(6.4%)
10
2(4.3%)

Generally speaking, how would you rate the manners of others? (Same scale as before)

Mean: 5.24 Median: 5 Std. Dev 1.49
1
1(2.2%)
2
0(0.0%)
3
4(8.9%)
4
8(17.8%)
5
13(28.9%)
6
11(24.4%)
7
4(8.9%)
8
4(8.9%)
9
0(0.0%)
10
0(0.0%)

Generally speaking, how important an emphasis does your culture place on manners? 1 = none. 10 = lots.

Mean: 6.28 Median: 6 Std. Dev 1.75
1
0(0.0%)
2
1(2.2%)
3
2(4.3%)
4
2(4.3%)
5
10(21.7%)
6
13(28.3%)
7
6(13.0%)
8
7(15.2%)
9
3(6.5%)
10
2(4.3%)

Did you make it this far?

Yes, phew that was a long poll!
6(12.8%)
Yes, easy peasy
28(59.6%)
No, no I didn't
4(8.5%)
Tickybox!
8(17.0%)
I'm shedding your chains of convention and posting a comment
1(2.1%)

What poll question would you ask about manners?


Caveat: If you find this poll making you upset or otherwise heated, you're taking it too seriously.


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As for the second question, I'd call the friend the next day to confirm, before I reserve the weekend. Little "intimations" are informal, and without something confirmed, I'm not likely to waste a weekend!

Gotcha. Probably a wise thing to do, to be proactive.

It helps to avoid assumptions :D

For my option on the first question - it would depend how long the short notice actually was. If we're talking any longer than a day and a half or something like that, then yes I'd be miffed. They would have 5 mins to themselves to at least call and say they can't make it. Anything shorter than that then I probably would half expect them to not say anything.


Hypothetically let's say that the BBQ is the next day, and they were invited that evening.

Yeah that's rather short notice. I would not expect them to be able to attend, although I probably would expect some kind of "sorry, maybe next time?" call.

Interesting poll!

I find it hard to judge how manners have improved/declined because the circumstances under which I'm experiencing these manners aren't the same as they were twenty years ago. Nowadays, I meet vastly more people than I did back then, and under a much wider variety of conditions, and it's difficult to compare.

First question: it would depend how the invitation was given. In person? By email? Maybe they're away and didn't get the invite?

Second question: sounds a bit vague - people may read things in different ways - the friend may not realise his suggestion was taken so literally.


2) Depends on who it is. Some of my friends are so unreliable that I'd basically ignore a suggestion like that, and others I can rely on to have something planned...

3) I pretty much always say thanks because it shows appreciation. I then usually follow up with a kiss to any bared area of flesh that's within reach ^_^

How is it that you extend your invitation? Do you call and speak to them, getting an affirmative from them before hanging up? Do you shoot off an email? Do you drop a note in their post box or do you ask them face to face?

1st question - it would be bad manners assuming they had accepted the invitation. If they'd declined then it's perfectly normal.

This is on the basis that they say nothing - neither turn up, or apologise for not turning up, if that makes sense.

Ah... Well, then on the one hand not turning up is a minor breach of manners since they'd made no undertaking to turn up, but hadn't let you know they wouldn't - but not letting you know one way or the other is a bigger breach IMHO.

Yep, that's my feeling also. I have no issue with people not turning up, particularly at short notice. But to not even apologise?...

q5 - normal behaviour has become more informal, so formal 'manners' are appropriate less of the time. It's not necessarily a bad thing.

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