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The Rat who is made of Stainless Steel


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He's a non-stop poll machine
Polls
stainsteelrat

Have you ever encountered "needy friends"? That is friends who were desperate for your friendship

Yes, all the time
3(9.1%)
Yes, now and then
16(48.5%)
Once or twice in my lifetime
10(30.3%)
No, never
4(12.1%)
Other, which I'll comment with, or not
0(0.0%)

Needy friends: a good or bad thing?

I love 'em!
0(0.0%)
I sorta like 'em
1(3.0%)
I'm sympathetic to them, to a point
20(60.6%)
I'm completely sympathetic to them
0(0.0%)
I don't like them much
8(24.2%)
I steer well clear
3(9.1%)
Other, which I'll comment with, or not
1(3.0%)

At what point does a friend go from just that, to being a "needy friend"?

Is it possible that society's becoming more insular, and needy friends are actually people misdiagnosed who are just trying to be friendly?

Yes, absolutely
0(0.0%)
Yes, perhaps
13(43.3%)
No, not really
11(36.7%)
No, not at all
3(10.0%)
Other, which I'll comment about, or not
3(10.0%)

What poll question would you ask about needy friends?



  • 1
I know quite a few needy people, but part of that apparent neediness is due to my own personality. See, I have a limited tolerance for most people. While I like to spend time with friends and people I like, I get a bit agitated if I spend too much time with them; I need a fair amount of time to myself to recharge after being sociable. So I perceive people as being needy for no reason other than wanting to spend time with me, yet it's only a small percentage of those people who actually ARE needy.

That said, I do have a couple of friends who I'd genuinely consider needy. There's no give-and-take in our relationship: they'll need me to listen to their problems urgently, at all sorts of odd hours, and give them advice/sympathy/whatever, but I don't get the same back from them. They always need me to sort out their problems or entertain them, but I know I can't rely on them in return. They're emotional vampires: they'll drain everything they can from me. I'm a bit of a coward, though, so it's hard for me to get rid of them until they REALLY piss me off and I explode (like with Inconsiderate Friend).

There are also a couple of people who'll emulate everything I do - it feels like they're so desperate to be friends with me that they'll suddenly start listening to Teh Marco, playing GW, watching the movies I like, etc, in the hopes of sucking up to me. I just avoid them to the best of my ability and remind myself that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. :)

Thanks for posting your detailed view. Interesting reading!

I find myself being wary of unintentionally imitating friends based on what you've said in the latter paragraph - it's a sort of "damned if you, and damned if you don't" situation though.

Hmm - just to clarify my last paragraph, it's the kind of friends who suddenly imitate everything you do who're the ones I'm talking about. For instance, I have a friend (had, I guess you could say, because I blocked her on IM and filter her off all my posts now, although she still keeps responding to my comments cheerily in mutual friends' journals) who, when she was going out with a seriously goth guy, became seriously goth herself, and would wear all black all the time, constantly talk about her new lifestyle, etc. As soon as they broke up, that all stopped. When she and I became friends, she suddenly started telling me about her newfound love of film music all the time (she even got Teh Marco icons!), started playing GW and talking about it a lot, and bought a whole new makeup collection with a lot of the same items as mine. It was like she had no personality of her own and was so needy that she'd imitate her friends in the hope that they'd like her more.

That kind of neediness makes me wary: it's treading the fine line between friendship and obsessiveness.

I made a boo boo there. What I should have said was: I find myself being wary of unintentionally imitating friends, on a similar level to that you said in the latter paragraph - it's a sort of "damned if you, and damned if you don't" situation though.

It's a fine line I guess, because friends share interests, and sometimes those interests get "pimped" between friends - that's part of what having friends is about, in that you grow from having them, I guess? Imitating every aspect though obviously oversteps that line though; I'm thinking on similar lines, where people start to dress the same as you, imitate you physically etc.

  • 1