The Stainless Steel Rat (stainsteelrat) wrote,
The Stainless Steel Rat

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She replied.

"Sorry not ignoring you. Just been very busy moving house. Aisling and I would love to remain friends with you. Why don't you drop by some time."

So I replied with

"Name a good time"

I don't care if it seemed blunt, or quick. I just want to know.

I expect she'll either take several days to reply, or say she's very busy and maybe in a couple of weeks?

So more days of agony. And " .... would love to remain friends with you .... ". At the moment I am bubbling with confusion. She is a strange female. She says she wants to be friends with me, but most people would either have it all over and done with, or carry on the relationship. Not this strange kinda middle road. I'll go there, get my stuff, and see how it goes. I would hope for some frank discussion, but it will most likely scare her off. Maybe I should be open with my feelings, but after spending some time with her.

The problem is, if it is in 2, 3, 4 weeks time I will then see that as a future milestone and time will drag and drag until it happens. Life shouldn't be this way. Life should be fun and enjoyable. If going to see Marian is not going to be fun and enjoyable, does that make it a good thing? Even though it is hard, does that still make it fun and enjoyable for me?

As Tanja said, I need to ensure that this door is closed or not. But it is so easy to scare people off with honesty. Bloody stupid really. I'm sure Marian is in the "I don't need a relationship at this time" frame of mind. Assuming she hasn't found some wonderful guy already. I hope she has, for my sake of all things. Then we can drop it. But then I suppose nobody compared to the fabulous Laurie.

Friendship never worked before.

But can I afford to lose a friend? Can I afford not to gain a friend?

I'm just bubbling with awful panicky feelings.
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