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The Stainless Steel Rat's LiveJournal

The Rat who is made of Stainless Steel

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BB Piano
Hmmm, I was thinking a change in strategy is required with Lu, but then I realised this is the same way I've been behaving up until now anyway. I'm going to carry on being positive and loving when I talk to her, as this seems the common sense approach and this is pretty much how I feel (I don't feel particularly positive, but anyway...). What worries me is that a lot of the "life" and happiness has dropped out of her conversation, but I need to remember she's at work and maybe other things are on her mind. I need to try and wait until the weekend to see if things change, and perhaps discuss if there is a problem.

I guess it's strange that I seem to worry about things, when I have no concrete evidence to support these worries, just lots of inference and paranoia. I know that there is distance in the relationship, but I'm not sure this is the issue. Things were fine before so meeting Lu has had some profound effect. Certainly I miss her in a different way now, but still...

I can't stress enough what a profoundly bad effect this is having on me at the moment. I feel perpetually stressed and sad. It's stupid, but it's the truth.

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We used to work for the same company, albeit I was working in the UK and she was working in Brazil. We talked briefly via IM I think, as a lot of people in our company did and because we did a similar job.

I got fired from the company and was chatting to an ex-colleague on IM about being single, and she reintroduced Lu and I (over IM). We talked now and then, Lu was never very communicative so it was difficult. Then she started talking about the possibility of visiting Europe, something that she had always wanted to do, and we decided to tour around together. Once she had made this decision we were "talking" i.e. IMing, for hours every evening and hours at the weekends. This continued right up to the holiday.

Since the holiday things have felt a little strained from Lu, but you've probably seen this from my LJ entries. The intention is that I will go to Brazil at Xmas to see her, and again to spend time with her. Based on this the theory was that we will decide whether one of us is going to make a permanent move. And if it only were as simple as that in reality... :-)

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