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The Rat who is made of Stainless Steel


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stainsteelrat
I'm not in the mood to write this, but it has to be done.

OK, so Briony came late on Monday. We had a good evening, and she stayed the night. Which was really really great. Just really pleasant.

I was feeling really shit and nervous on Monday, but even worse on Tuesday. Just couldn't get it together.

Anyway, I got the distinct vibe she was pissed off with me. When we were driving back from Jo's I asked her if she wanted to see me again, and she was really upset. I tried to explain that I hardly knew her, and all I meant was did she really want to see me again?! Anyway, we got back and she wanted to go straight home, for whatever reason. But we had a quick chat, and I explained myself again. I guess she saw straight into me. She said that was an optimist, and I am a pessimist, and she would talk to me tomorrow. She asked me where my pessimism came from, and I said protection. She also said that she still hardly knew me, and she couldn't be pushed. A day at a time. It was a pretty awful 5 minutes, but we hugged and kissed. Not sure what that says.

So I'm not sure where I stand. She might really like me, and she might not be that interested at all.

It's very confusing, and she is very "paradoxical" in her own words. She was talking about staying in Switzerland in August, and taking me to this A-ha concert, and seeing each other in the evenings. But on the other hand she doesn't seem all that bothered about it, and last night I mentioned seeing each other in the evenings during the week and she said she wasn't sure about it, maybe I would be too tired. So it seems like there is this one Briony I talk to face-to-face, and another one I talk to on IM, even the phone.

I have to look at it this way, if she still likes me that is great. If she doesn't it uncomplicates Switzerland by an order of magnitude.

I now know why I felt like shit yesterday as I have ANOTHER fucking cold. Ian told me to go home from work, and tbh I wasn't all that bothered about going. I feel like shit now. It's so strange. 2 days before I have a cold I just get really really depressed, even by my standards.

Just watching The Grinch now. Guess I could learn a thing or two from this story.