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The Rat who is made of Stainless Steel


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stainsteelrat
I didn't think Marian was going to reply, but she did.

"Hi Mark, yes aisling and i would like to remain friends. One question though! What made you change your mind?"

I replied with:

"A few reasons. Ive grown up or changed a bit. You are a genuine person. Life is too short. I still think about you often." or something like that.

I then followed up with a "Why do you want to remain friends with me?". Which tbh is something I can't understand. She hated my company towards the end of things, obviously.

It would have been easier in some respects if she had said no, or not replied. This in someways is the harder route, but I guess nothing ventured nothing gained. I have pretty much forgotten a lot of the stuff with her now, which surprises me in a way. I guess I need to think of her like I would any other friend, which means not frantically worrying about her all the time. I guess once we meet it might make things easier or clearer.

I could just leave my life like it is but surely forging friendships, even one friendship, is better than doing nothing and just sitting on my hands? I want to be friends with Marian honestly because she was a very natural person, and offers a counterpoint to a lot of the things I feel. If I can I think one approach is just to try and wipe my mind of all that happened, and treat her much like when I met Vanessa for the first time.

Maybe if she has a boyfriend it will be easier, but then perhaps I won't be able to see her anyway. I'm not sure anyone would be happy about that.

For some reason, not related to this I hope, I feel really really strange. I was so tired at about 8pm I almost collapsed. I managed to grab about an hours sleep but still woke up. I know I'm not sleeping well, but I am still so wired most of the time.